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North Valley Anger Management Consultants
 At North Valley Anger Management Consultants, our specialty is helping people take back control of their emotional health, and reclaim their lives.   
My New Year's Resolution: Controlling My Anger !

New Years Eve 2015For many of us, although 2015 is officially over, the emotional clean up process is just beginning. If 2015 was an angry year for you, you are not alone. The good news is 2016 is a brand new opportunity to reclaim emotional control of our life. You may want to consider having anger management as a New Year's resolution if any of the following apply:

Have loved ones told you have an anger problem? 

Has your anger gotten you into legal trouble? 

Has your significant other, or family, asked you to go to anger management? 

Have you lost jobs, friends, or relationships because of your anger? 

If any of this sounds like you, there is hope. Individual or group anger management counseling can help you take back control of your emotioinal life, and ultimately lead to a happier and more successful you. Anger management isn't just for executives, athletes, or celebrities anymore! 

In fact, anger management skills can help you with all of the following:

* Increase positive communication skills

* Make better choices responding to stress at home and work.

* Learn to express anger in more appropriate ways

* Learn coping and relaxation skills 

* Learn replacement behaviors to use when angry

At North Valley Anger Management Consultants, we excel in helping people overcome and control anger and reclaim their lives. For more information, call us today for a free 30 minute telephone consultation at 1-888-992-6479.

How To Avoid The Twelve Angry Days of Christmas

grinchThe twelve days of Christmas are upon us! As the days grow shorter and the Holiday "to
do" list grows longer, emotions often get out of control taking the joy of Christmas with them. Below are twelve tips to support the healthy management of anger, frustration, and other emotions to help keep your family's Christmas experience happy and filled
with joy.

On the first day of Christmas: Reduce stress by managing your time carefully and not over-scheduling yourself. Take time for yourself!

On the second day of Christmas: Adjust your expectations of family members. No, Uncle Bill hasn't changed since last year. Tell yourself that you only have to see him once a year for a few hours- Seeing the challenge as temporary with a definitive time limit can make all the difference in managing he stress of difficult family members.

On the third day of Christmas: Limit the amount of time you spend with stressful family members. Remember the "spirit" of the season can be shared just as well with brief quality time.

On the fourth day of Christmas: Work on increasing your forgiveness skills. Let old resentments go. Holding grudges hurts you more than your relatives.

On the fifth day of Christmas: Develop better empathy skills. Try to see the world from the viewpoint of irritating family members and you may be shocked at how your anger dissipates.

On the sixth day of Christmas: Limit the amount of time you spend shopping and going to parties. Too many Holiday rounds only adds unnecessary expense and stress. Christmas isn't about buying gifts and going to parties. Remember the "spirit" of the season is about sharing love and quality time with family and friends.

On the seventh day of Christmas: Watch carefully the amount of alcohol you consume. Many anger management students confess that excessive drinking definitely contributed to family conflict and aggression.

On the eighth day of Christmas: Celebrating the Holidays doesn't have to be expensive. You can keep Christmas alive and well without going broke. Reconnect with the meaning of Christmas through religious or cultural practices.

On the ninth day of Christmas: When you feel frustrated and your temper starts to rise, try counting backwards to 10 slowly. Time out isn't just for kids! Before saying things you might regret, take a few moments to breathe deeply and count to 10.

On the tenth day of Christmas: When Holiday spirits are flowing and Uncle Bill is working your last nerve, it’s can be easy to say something you'll later regret. Take a few moments to collect your thoughts before saying anything by using slow deep breathing. Breath in and out slowly three times, them speak.

On the eleventh day of Christmas: Forgive and forget! Don't allow anger and other negative feelings to get in the way of the positive feelings that come with the season. Remember to breath. You can do it!

On the twelfth day of Christmas: Relax, breath and enjoy your family, friends and celebrate the Holiday! If your temper flares, use your relaxation skills. Practice deep-breathing exercises, imagine a relaxing scene, or repeat a calming word or phrase, such as, "Tomorrow is Christmas." You can do it!

For more tips on how to deal with angry feelings, Holiday stress, or the angry behavior of others, call us at 1-888-992-6479 or visit our website at www.nvamc.com.

Happy Holidays from North Valley Anger Management Consultants!

How Do I Know When My Gambling Has Become A Problem?

When Gambling Becomes A Problem

How do you know if frequent weekends in Vegas have become a gambling addiction? The signs of a gambling problem are often the same as the signs of other addictions. Common signs of a gambling addiction include: • Feeling the need to be secretive about your gambling • Having trouble controlling your gambling habits • Gambling when you cannot afford to do so • Friends and family often expressing concern with your gambling Of course, as with any other addiction, the hallmark sign of a gambling problem is that you feel you cannot stop. Gambling is a diverse activity, so it is not always obvious when someone is addicted to gambling. Contrary to popular belief, the act of gambling is not restricted to slot machines, cards and casinos. Purchasing a lottery ticket, entering a raffle or making a bet with a friend are also forms of gambling. Gambling addiction is associated with many additional challenges, in both the short- and long-term, beyond that of gambling. Consequently, a gambling addiction frequently results in other addictions that serve as coping mechanisms for people who are stressed out by the activity. Many gamblers turn to drugs, alcohol and other activities to alleviate the anxiety brought on by the gambling lifestyle. Even if a gambler never experiences financial ruin as a result of the lifestyle, they may struggle with drug and alcohol addiction for the rest of their life after self-medicating to deal with the stress.
Gambling addiction can occur when a person feels that they are in financial ruin and can only solve their problems by gambling what little they have in an attempt to win a large sum of money. Unfortunately, this almost always leads to a cycle in which the gambler feels they must win back their losses. Because gambling addiction is often associated with depression and anger, quitting gambling is no easy feat, but it can be done with the help of a solid support group and treatment program. It can be difficult to get started on the path to recovery without the assistance of professionals who have helped people through the process before. Supportive friends and family are vital to a full recovery, but they might not know how best to help you. If any of this sounds familiar, you, or someone you love, may be struggling with a gambling addiction. In California, help is available for the gambler, and the gambler’s family, with no zero out of pocket expense. For further information, please call 1-800-gambler, or visit the following website www.problemgambling.ca.gov

Surviving Domestic Violence

Surviving Domestic Violence

 

Domestic violence and domestic abuse are serious issues that affect both men and women. They often go hand in hand, but just because you are not being physically attacked, doesn’t mean you aren’t being abused. It is important to know the signs and recognize when they are present in your life. Some of these signs include…

 

  • Jealousy over who you talk to. 

  • Embarrassing or putting you down in front of others.

  • Finding faults, and correcting things you said or did after a social event.

  • Making you feel worthless / useless / devalued

  • Threatening you or your loved ones / pets.

  • Wants to be involved with and control everything you do.

  • Checks in often and regularly to see what you are doing, where you are, and who is with you.

  • Always wants you to do things with their friends and family.

  • Is not interested in spending time with your friends, family, or activities, and objects to you being involved.
  • Keeps money from you and doesn't put you on credit card accounts, checking and/or savings accounts.

  • Slams things, throws things, or breaks things when upset.

  • Punishes you, by abusing your children, or pets.

  • Makes all the decisions in your relationship.

  • Doesn't let you further your education, or work.

  • Requires you to work excessively while all the money goes to them.

  • Blames you for their mistakes.

  • Denies, or controls your access to medicine, medical care, or medical devices.

  • Pushes, slaps, restrains, kicks, punches, or in any other way physically hurts you.

  • Threatens to turn you into immigration for deportation.

  • Expects/demands sex, sexual acts you aren't comfortable with, or sexually assaults you.

 

 

 

Regardless of how long the relationship has been going on, the sooner you get out the better. The longer you stay, the harder / more dangerous it becomes to get out. The abusive partner will be more invested as time passes, and more determined to keep you from getting away.

 

 

 

Verbal Abuse

 

Verbal Abuse is often used before the physical abuse starts or in conjunction with it. The abusive partner uses this to tear you down and make you easier to control / manipulate. The more they can get you to feel worthless, the more power they ultimately have over you. Do these examples sound like they would come from someone speaking out of love?

 

Everything you say is stupid, nobody wants to hear it, you should just keep your mouth shut.”

If you had done it right, then I wouldn’t have to be mad at you.”

Why are you dressing like that, you look like a whore, do you want other people to think that’s what you are?”

You can’t do anything right, you’re lucky I put up with you, nobody else ever will.”

 

Don’t let this bring you down, recognize this for exactly what it is, abuse. Someone trying to make you doubt yourself. Remember that you have value and worth, and that you don’t deserve to be treated that way.

 

 

 

Breaking Free

 

Now that you know the signs and if you have decided to move on, here are a few things to help with the process.

 

SAFETY IS NUMBER ONE!!!!!!

 

Your Safety and the safety of your children are number one and not negotiable. Make a safety plan, know when the best time to leave will be

Have somewhere you can go that will be safe, while you put your life back together

Learn their triggers and how to avoid them, if you have children make sure they will be safe as well

Leave any nonessential belongings. You can buy a new wardrobe, you can’t buy another life

 

Don’t

Respond with violence, unless you have to defend your life. It will immediately escalate things.

Let them know where you are going

Leave them anyway to find you. Pick up a pre-paid cell phone. If your car has a tracking device, disable it. Think of anything else that can be used to find you, and remove it from your life.

 

 

These are only a few of the things you can do when leaving an abusive or dangerous relationship. It’s a long hard road, but you don’t have to be a victim. You can take control of your life and make sure you are safe. No one deserves to abused or live in fear for themselves and their children or loved ones.

 

 

 

For additional information, resources, or help 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or TDD at 1-800-787-3224, or visit their website at www.thehotline.org.

Stress & Anger: What Is The Connection?

Modern life is full of demands. In today's world, multi-tasking is a necessary skill set, not a choice. There is no escape. In fact, the rapid pace of daily life, in the 21st century, is often referred to as "Moving at the speed of business". This translates into stress at the 'Nth' degree. So what does an average day is this ever changing, constantly moving, life on the go look like? Is it really overwhelming, or have people forgotten how to work hard? On the contrary, in today's modern age, many people work and go to school, while others work and try to raise a family, and still others work, go to school, and raise families. Throw in the daily commute, deadlines, sports for the kids, family obligations, and we can clearly see how the stress just keeps mounting. So what happens when our stress level is never relieved? For most people, this results in self neglect, anger, and resentment. Clearly, we have to give up something to meet the demands of daily life. Because the time has to come from somewhere, for many people this means skipping meals or eating fast food, some days there isn't even time to shower let alone style hair or keep up nails, and certainly no time for the gym. As the pressure continues to build, fueled by months and years of self denial, the hamster wheel of modern life grows into a volcano waiting to erupt fed by a steady diet of stress, repressed anger, and resentment which then manifests as fighting with family, partners, yelling at the kids, and possible health concerns. In more extreme cases, this type of unrelenting stress can result in marital discord, depression, anxiety, and family conflict. According to the Mayo Clinic, physical symptoms correlated with stress levels of this caliber often include high blood pressure, anxiety, weight gain/loss, frequent illness, and visible signs of poor self care (https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&rlz=1C1RNBN_enUS464US485&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#). In short, the correlation between stress and anger is clear and something must and will give. The question is, at what cost? Will it be physical health, mental health, or family stability? In order to offset the impact of stress associated with modern life, an intervention strategy designed to maximize time while offering maximum results is needed. Of the various stress reducing supports available, the following techniques appear to offer the most benefit in the least amount to time: 1) Creating balance - Making you the priority: a) Work with partner/family to create equal distribution of duties b) Restructure schedules to afford 1 hour a day of uninterrupted personal time c) Work with family/friends to create parenting co-op to afford one or two date nights a month 2) Stress Reduction applications for smart phones: a) Breath to Relax (free) b) Anxiety Self Help (free) c) Cleveland Clinic Stress Meditations ($0.99) d) Stress Check ($1.99) e) Pocket Yoga ($2.99) 3) Additional smart phone resources for stress or crisis management: a) http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/09/20/top-10-free-mental-health-apps/ b) http://www.argonautsoftware.com/articles/smartphone-apps-for-managing-stress.html Although there is no cure for modern life, there are ways to manage and/or reduce day to day stress. Balance is the key, and with careful planning quality of life is truly achievable. The key, is to recognize the signs and symptoms of stress overload before they hit critical mass. If you, or a loved one, have begun to demonstrate the following clinical signs or symptoms of stress, professional intervention is strongly suggested: 1) Frequent headaches, jaw clenching or pain, teeth gritting/grinding 2) Neck ache, back pain, muscle spasms 3) Light headedness, faintness, dizziness, ringing in the ears or popping 4 Irritable, easily annoyed, angry 5) Frequent colds, infections, herpes sores, rashes, itching, hives, “goose bumps”, unexplained or frequent “allergy” attacks 6) Heartburn, stomach pain, nausea 7) Weight gain or loss of more than 5 pounds 8) Diminished or lack of sexual desire For further information, or to consult regarding symptoms or concerns, please contact your local healthcare or mental health professional, or visit the American Stress Institute online at www.stress.org

Stressed Hamster

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